Selfless. . ♥

Things that happens always have their good and bad. Nothing is totally good and nothing will be totally bad. It Just depends.

The Last Chance,
  Cherish every chances given as you wouldn't know when whether it would be the last. Don't wait till its too late and regret. When someone gives you another chance means they are putting hope on you and when you don't cherish it and treat it as garbage,that someone would get disappointed. Treat people like how you wanted to be treated and that is why you have to know how to love yourself before you love another. Remember how you want to be treated and think of you yourself stepping in the other person's shoes before you take actions on them.Feelings are easily hurt. Relationships are easily broken and hard to mend. There will be that Last chance and it depends on you yourself to cherish it or not. A person who loves you can give you unlimited chances when he/she is living, but there will still be that last one when he/she has to leave this world.

The Good and Bad,
  As i said everything has its good and bad it just depends on you to be optimistic to think positively or pessimistically thinking of the negatives. Your life Your choice of thinking. 

Recently Grandmama has been very weak. For the first time in the 18 years of her care, i see that shes old. I used to be proud to say i have a Young and healthy Grandmama. The woman who used to be so fierce and keeps on scolding and nagging.The woman who would walk to the market every morning without fail whether it was sunny or rainy just to buy us brunch.The woman who cooked us home cook dinner and let us felt family warmth. The woman who used to do the gardening,carrying packets of sand,moving heavy pots of plants. The woman who planted the mango tree and made it our childhood memory and chopped it down when it was too old.

I was taken cared by my Grandmama since young. I have both working parents, they had to work hard to earn a living as i wasn't born in a fortunate rich surrounding.So they had to send me to Grandmama's and be taken care of during the day and would visit me after they work.I stayed with Grandmama till Friday night,then my parents would take me home till Monday i would be back at Grandmama's place. Later on, my parents decided to move in with Grandmama and we stayed together. Grandmama would be the one who woke me up and dressed me for kindergarten. We would walk to kindergarten and as i was so pampered by her, She always have to stayed in class with me till a certain time. If she didn't stay with me for that certain of time, I would cry till the teachers called her back. I was like a little princess. After kindergarten she would walk me back home and sometimes even bring me along with her to sit the bus and go antique shopping . One year,when Chinese New year was near, she took me to sit the bus and we went to China town. It was my first time being in such a huge antique shop, She bought a Fortune cat for me as i keep saying i like the cat. Before we went back, we walked along the streets and she brought me to see toys.During that time, i remembered we both were attracted to the cute black monkey that keeps hitting the gong when you on it.Grandmama wanted to buy it for me but she did not have enough money.Even so,i did not complain but i enjoyed that moment. I also remembered my last day of English kindergarten, she dressed me as a princess with princess toys in my uniform. I was the only special looking one there. And when i changed to a Chinese kindergarten, Grandmama was also the one who walked me there. She would always be standing there with her umbrella when i finished class.

When i went to standard 1, Grandmama was still the one who dressed me up for school. Fed me before i left, I remembered she wouldnt let me go out of the house to the van that fetch me to school, when i did not finish my meal. After school, the maid would open the gates for me and i would run in to call her and see her cook dinner before i went to watch television. We would watch television while waiting for my parents,Aunty bee and Uncle Gerarld to come home and eat together. In my senior years of primary school,I became a little playful and i would climb over the gate when nobody heard me calling from outside to open the gate fer me.When i got in she would come out and scold me saying the gate is older than you it's gonna break and she scolded the favorite way of scolding " Later you fall down then you know only know death" . i had stubbornness and ignored,I continued climbing the gate till she always had to lift up the heavy gate (that i and my brother also cant lift up) to just lock the door.*guilty . .Then it was time for the new gate but this little monkey still climbed over the gate in her dress till she moved to her new house(no more gate to climb).*blush. The same scolding would never change that time too. Grandmama had another thing to scold me during my time in Form 1 too. It rained alot that year and i would play in the heavy rain, there was a period of time i came home all wet everyday. and the scolding would be " So wet! Still dont take a towel and bath ! Flu then you know! " hhhhas . miss those times. Grandmama's favourite past time was to "boil telephone porridge"  with her "chit chat kaki" in Hokkien. we wont know what she is talking about till one day dad asked us did we learn any hokkien from Grandmama? me and my little brother answered her two favorite words "dou si lo! " and "Jiak sai" hhhas . . we did not know what was the meaning till daddy explained. Rofl! I also remember Grandmama's set of fake teeth, it was me who accompanied her to the dentist to make them.She would sometimes forget to bring them out and she would laugh and showed us that she has no teeth.me and Darren would laugh with her.Grandmama was a strong woman,she would talk to me about things in her heart and how upset she was because my mother and uncle richard couldnt get along well.The fisrt and only time i saw Grandmama cried was when mami,Aunty bee and Uncle Richard argued. That was the first and only time.

Now for the first time in all these memories, i only see that my Grandmama grew old. She's been going in and out of the hospital non stop. That strong Superwoman looks so fragile now. Its like only her skin is wrapping her bones now.No more flesh. She cant even really walk on her own now. She survives by using a pacemaker now and She's going into the hospital later to have another surgery on Wednesday. Grandmama, we always are worried about you and hope you could fully recovered but i guess its just that you're getting old. Everytime i would pray that God wouldnt take you away from me and save you but when tonight as i passed by your room and saw you sleeping, i've changed my mind. From now on, I wouldnt be selfish and keep you just because i'm afraid of losing you. From now on i would pray that you wouldnt suffer and if it was your time to go, i pray that God would  at least just give us time to say our Goodbyes and i pray he'll take you up to heaven where you could rest in peace and stay happy having a reunion with grandpapa.

There are just too many memories as you were the who brought me up. There were the times you showed me your jewelries and let me dressed you up for dinners,taught me how to make bracelets, taught me how to sew and also how to tidy my bed.I remembered the little me had trouble folding the blanket on my own and we would fold it together. I remembered the times i slept with you in your room and the times you slept in mine. You would always pat my back gently when i couldnt sleep and i would give you a piece of mask when you couldnt sleep. When i was little and weak, you were always there to take care of me. That time when i was in the hospital you were the one carrying me sitting up straight letting me sleep on your chest while patting my back. But the best memories were the times when me and darren were scared of the loud thunder, We would race up and run into your arms. You would hug the two little cowards and put us to sleep by patting our backs.

Grandmama, you were the one who protected us and guide us and i'll always Love You.♥