the butterfly . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SON YO HONG QUAN AND MY AUNT YAU BEE HONG ! ! May all the best come to you both and live a great life ahead.

Who am i really kidding? As hard as i try , i can fool the world but not myself. This empty feeling it haunts. it doesn't kill the heart but tortures it.

did not want to wake today.Family lunch plan was to go Ishin Japanese Restaurant. Normally i would be excited but dad called me more than 3 times to wake but i didn't. All the Knocking,the sound of them banging my door calling for me normally makes me frustrated but i managed to ignore and endure it today. The news of going for a Japanese family meal did not make me excited no more. I stayed locked up in my room, hiding under the blanket that kept me warm on the outside but failed on the inner side. Waking up at 1630 on a Sunday, I feel so abnormal already.

Woke up, prepared for dinner and went belakong to have a Spicy Soup meal. I learn to grow up today. i poured Spicy soup and drank a bowl of spicy soup even though i couldn't take spicy.Surprisingly, i did it, i'm not afraid of Spiciness anymore. i forced myself to grow up a little today.

kept myself busy today,trying to escape the thought of "YOU" but failed a few times. Still i managed to force myself to cheer up. Looking on the bright side, knowing this is for the better.

It tears me apart when i chatted with "YOU". I really want to know in your heart am i really that mean? Do you think it's easy for me to stand my ground and be the bad guy? I try to avoid arguing with you as i want to be your easiest goodbye. To be frankly, you hurt me a lot even at this time you still hurt me. Its not easy for me to have the thought of letting go and its even harder for me to take actions and let it go. But to me you're like a butterfly. From the day you said i made you suffer, i chose to let you go because the one hurting wasn't me and it was you. I don't mind hurting myself, you yourself should know this clearly.I'm sorry i could not please or satisfy you.A butterfly was meant to fly and not for me to selfishly hold in my hand. If i did i would just hurt or even kill it. Instead when i let it fly, it shows me even how pretty it could be flying freely in the open blue sky under the sunlight. This way the butterfly would be happy and the same will go for me as well.If "YOU" asked me for 3 reasons why i am so "mean"  i would answer 1st i made you suffer, 2nd you couldn't prove to me we could go for the better and lastly 3 simple yet the most meaningful words - i Love YOU.

I Promised myself to stay strong and i thank all my friends that were concerned about me. Cheering me up trying to make me smile. I'm Sorry to Worry you. I will try as hard as i could to keep my smile on my face and be a strong lady and not only on the outer but on the inner but I guess there will always still be that little girl trapped inside of me. I'll give it time. I came across Something meaningful at one of my friend's profile today,it says : "其实喜欢和爱一个人是种很容易很简单的事．．但要你学会放手和放弃一个人．这真的替却很不是件容易的事．．所以喜欢或爱一个人都好．．只要你是真心喜欢和爱她／他的．．这已足够了．．不要只因为少少的问题．就把事情弄得那么严重．就那么得容易提出分手这两个字．．你要说“分手”之前．你真的有好好的把事情弄清楚吗？．．你知道说了后。那后果有多严重吗？．．你们真的有好好考绿过．当初你们那么坚持要在一起．那份勇气和真爱．．就代表你们真的互相喜欢／爱对方．无论发生什么事情或遇到什么问挫折／困难．．你们都会坚持到底．．那当初的坚持和承若都去了那？．难道真的就为了少少的事情就要提出“分手”吗？．．♥真心＝喜欢＝爱情＝付出＝坚持＝勇敢＝勇气＝承若＝［真爱］．．．♥♥．❤❤❤"

My Friend also reminded me of a something meaningful and here it is.. 

To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn't have feelings of anger, jealousy nor regret. Letting go isn't winning or losing, not about pride, not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. It isn't about loss and it's not defeat. To let go is to CHERISH memories, to overcome them and move on, accepting and having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up.♥

i'm sorry i can't be the superwoman you want me to be.