it hurts...

Speechless.....


i can't express all my sadness into words...
it is just.. indescribable....

it hurts... 
2 years ago....my heart just shattered into pieces...

which hurt the most i wonder... 

a heart that shattered into pieces in a split second? 

or

a heart that slowly shattered into pieces... ?

I've put.. tape and glue all around my heart...
not just putting it together..but also putting cotton around it... 
so afraid.... that.. i could feel those poison
 needles again...

i try to forget about it....the past..... the past IS the past.. 

there is nothing we can do to change the past. but we can make new decisions.. 

so i try to move on. I try.... 

Maybe i'm just.. not strong enough? 

Things are... were... getting better...

Maybe... i'm just too pessimistic? 
Maybe... cause i just can't forget the past...
The poison needles that pierce through my heart which cause it to shattered...

its hurts.... 

the needles hurts...

i felt it again last night.... just a little of it..... 

and it hurts.....

standing there... in the cold whether... 

as the cold wind blows...

it feels so good...

it is so cold.. but it feels sooo goood..... 

my whole body just feels so numb....

so numb.. that i can't feel the poison needles anymore...

felt so emotionless..felt so... free from the pain.. 

i don't want chocolate to make me feel better....
i don't want some other guysss to cheer me up...
i don't want to cry my eyes out...
i don't want the cold to numb me...
because all these doesn't last long.. 
at least not long enough until i can get back up onto my feet..
i just want you...because all these began with you.... 






i saw your upset face.. for the first time of 5 and a half years.... 
i can't forget that expression..... 
it was and is eating me up.... 
it hurts...
i wanted to turn away.. and not look....
but i couldn't... i force myself to just stare into your eyes....  
i wanted to say.. sorry... no... because this word does not exist in our dictionary... 
i wanted to say.. i love you.. but i don't why i just couldn't bring myself to say it. 
i wanted to say.. something.....
but nothing came out..... 

i miss you...

i love you...

you mean everything to me.... 

i'm not just saying it as words.... 

but i truly mean it from my heart...

love.

ms.grace