what a day =x

It has beeen..... AWHILE since i went out. 
actually since after my school prom. ( which was in june )

The day i get to go out.... things happen..=x....

i went out today.... mooncake festival at boxhill =] 
i saw alot of hot guys .. hahahah ... man.. why so many hot guys but my schoool has non=.= T___ T
anyways.... i saw this.. 6-7 strawberriiess on a stick covered with sugar. there are like other fruits. but i din see what they were. i din take a photo of it so i google a photo. hehe ~  .its something like this =] ( it looks nicer than the picture ) 
it was sooo tempting to eat it.. but i control =x. soo much sugar.... 
wasn't sure if i could finish it all on my own =x 






anyways..... while waiting for will.. i went to seee victor . cuz he was working =]. 
omgs... i just move my left feet back a little A LITTLE. *i swear it was a little * 
not on purpose. and a little girl RAN and TRIP OVER. 
i'm just like SHIT i din even seee that she was there  T_T i felt so bad and embarrass. i quickly pick her up. 
and she started crying ... =x =( i appologize to her and her parents of course.  
but still T_T i din do it on purpose T__T ~ 

HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY 

DINNER.

went out for dinner with my brothers. koko went to the toilet... leaving mii and mark sitting. 

then we saw will and jen... out the window accross the road.. 

so i told mark i'll go and see them ... 

u kno wat usually malaysians' do. J-walk. crossing the road not using the traffic light. 

okie...

 1st i check there was no police.  DONE. =p

2nd i check are there alot of cars on my RIGHT.. fine they were. so i waited for the coast to be clear...

but then this Indian driver saw it was red light..infront.. so he slow down and let miii cross instead.

i hesitated. and i duno.. i just crosss...

( NOTE TO SELF. next time i hesitate at something never do it ) .

then when i was crossing.. the other cars where coming from my LEFT.  OH GOD 

I PANIC. i didnt want to stand in the middle of the road.. so i ran across.

( NOTE. I WAS WEARING HIGH HEEELS =x ) 

( ALSO NOTE : MY LITTLE BROTHER WAS WATCHING ME )

i actually estimated that if i ran across i'll be fine.  the car  on my left wouldn't hit mii.

GOD stupid driver.... he just HAD to HORN=.=" 

(( even my little brother who watch the whole scene knew that i was safe and that driver was an idiot ))

thx to the guy i had a heart attack ~ geeez

i was like... MORE in a PANIC mode then! i was freaking shaking.

EMBARRASS much!  everyone was freaking watching =x 


but yes.. i admit i was wrong. hahaha =x  xD 

i am actually stillll ...... in shiiiiverrsss after 3 hours =x
but man i Thank God i'm alive =x  

BTW.there is like. 5 more weeks till VCE!!! gosh i'm nervous =x 

love.

ms.grace

it hurts...

Speechless.....


i can't express all my sadness into words...
it is just.. indescribable....

it hurts... 
2 years ago....my heart just shattered into pieces...

which hurt the most i wonder... 

a heart that shattered into pieces in a split second? 

or

a heart that slowly shattered into pieces... ?

I've put.. tape and glue all around my heart...
not just putting it together..but also putting cotton around it... 
so afraid.... that.. i could feel those poison
 needles again...

i try to forget about it....the past..... the past IS the past.. 

there is nothing we can do to change the past. but we can make new decisions.. 

so i try to move on. I try.... 

Maybe i'm just.. not strong enough? 

Things are... were... getting better...

Maybe... i'm just too pessimistic? 
Maybe... cause i just can't forget the past...
The poison needles that pierce through my heart which cause it to shattered...

its hurts.... 

the needles hurts...

i felt it again last night.... just a little of it..... 

and it hurts.....

standing there... in the cold whether... 

as the cold wind blows...

it feels so good...

it is so cold.. but it feels sooo goood..... 

my whole body just feels so numb....

so numb.. that i can't feel the poison needles anymore...

felt so emotionless..felt so... free from the pain.. 

i don't want chocolate to make me feel better....
i don't want some other guysss to cheer me up...
i don't want to cry my eyes out...
i don't want the cold to numb me...
because all these doesn't last long.. 
at least not long enough until i can get back up onto my feet..
i just want you...because all these began with you.... 






i saw your upset face.. for the first time of 5 and a half years.... 
i can't forget that expression..... 
it was and is eating me up.... 
it hurts...
i wanted to turn away.. and not look....
but i couldn't... i force myself to just stare into your eyes....  
i wanted to say.. sorry... no... because this word does not exist in our dictionary... 
i wanted to say.. i love you.. but i don't why i just couldn't bring myself to say it. 
i wanted to say.. something.....
but nothing came out..... 

i miss you...

i love you...

you mean everything to me.... 

i'm not just saying it as words.... 

but i truly mean it from my heart...

love.

ms.grace